Wonder

I wonder. I wonder when, I wonder why. I wonder. I wonder on your beauty and on my undeserving body. I wonder on life and how it is always one step behind. I wonder on you and on your way of making me feel like I’m nothing belonging nowhere. And in all this wonder I forget to marvel. I forget to marvel at your love and your worry for me. I forget to marvel at the sun when it shines and at the stars when they try to point me home. In all of this wondering I forgot how to live, I forgot how to breathe in the world and how to let go. I forgot how to forget, how to forget about you, I forgot how to love you without hurting you.

In my wonder, in all my wonderings all remains unanswered and life remains a mystery for those who, like me, fail to comprehend human behaviour. Maybe we just over think what we shouldn’t. Maybe we should over think our bodies instead of our feelings.

And now all you do while I’m out here and you’re at home, is pull at the nose around my neck, chocking me. I’m drowning in exhaustion and I’m too tired to swim to shore. It is, all of this, a mixture of suicidal things. You said you would never hit a girl but psychological hits don’t count.